Another year comes quickly to an end, and I don’t know what it is about life, but as I get older, the days and months seem to fly by that much faster, as if there were no separation of days, each sunrise melting into the next sunset.
And with each new year comes the resolutions, an annual tradition where people tell themselves that they have failed at some thing and they are going to correct their failure and make things right the next year. Inevitably they once again fail to reach their goal and the cycle continues.
I have for many years resolved never to make a New Year resolution for that reason, because I don’t ever consider that I am a failure at anything. Everything I do is done to the best of my ability, and if for some reason I was unable to complete it, that does not mean that I am a failure. It just means I didn’t finish, and either I would try again another time, or just realize it was not meant for me and move on to something else.
There is one thing though that I would like to change in my life and that is my weight. Before I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis, I was a healthy and slim 145 pounds, and from years of playing racquet sports and hiking, my leg muscles in my thighs and calves were pure muscle, hard as a rock and the envy of weight lifters.
Alas, when you have all the wonderful conditions that are introduced to your body as a side result of sarcoidosis, you tend to need, or rather have no choice but to change your life. In my case, I was given the addition of heart failure and pulmonary hypertension. Add to that severely scarred lungs from sarcoidosis and physical function is impaired.
As a result, my daily trips to the gym stopped, not only because it was physically taxing, but I was afraid. I was afraid for a very long time that any exercise would set off my defibrillator. I heard it is like a horse kicking you in the chest and I was afraid to do anything strenuous. My heart was weak. I could send it into an arrhythmia at anytime if I worked out too hard, setting off my defibrillator. I became a prisoner of my fear. I did eventually get over that fear, but never returned to the gym.
As a result, with no exercise, high doses of prednisone and the wonderful hunger it brings on, I gained 30 pounds, which I am told is not bad considering I have been on the damned thing for six years this April.
Not only do I have the weight gain, but my muscles are starting to atrophy and that scares me. I need to get my ass back on the treadmill and do some walking and get some weights, even small ones, in my hands and get some tone back in my arms. Before I could not even move my muscles with my hands, they were so hard. Now I can pick them up between my fingers like limp pasta.
Today therefore I make a pledge, not to lose weight, because I think that sets one up for a fall. Instead I pledge to increase my exercise and activity level, start back re-defining my muscles to the best of my physical ability and make my body the sturdy temple that it deserves to be. I don’t have the unrealistic goal of attaining the body I had before, but I will get to be the fittest I can be. If this means I lose the thirty pounds along the way, all the better. I will not let sarcoidosis and what ever it throws at me keep me from being as healthy as I can. I know there will be days that will feel like I can’t do anything, but I will not let that stop me. I will let it pause me, but I will over come it and continue on.
Here’s looking forward to a healthier life in 2012.
I wish every one a very happy, healthy, peaceful and loved filled New Year and many more to follow.