Like the consummate theater artist that has played many years out on stage in the same part and needed to get away from the constant day to day grind of being in the public eye, so too did I need to be away from the constant probing eyes of the medical world, testing, probing, x-raying.
And like that theater artist who one day realizes they need to return to the stage, not for their public, but for their own fulfillment, so too have I returned to my other world of medical questioning.
Yesterday, after weeks of staying away from doctor’s offices, blood tests and lab work, in order to recapture my personal sanity, to not feel like a lab rat, to think of something other than my medical conditions, I finally had my series of small intestine x-rays. I had the most pleasant and informative technician I have ever had in the five years of living with these conditions. This was such a breath of fresh air as the procedure was two hours long.
I was dreading it because of the reaction I had previously to barium solution which I experienced when I had a ct scan of my abdomen. The reaction then was violent and scary and I almost went to the emergency room. This time, a different solution and no reaction.
Just taking those few weeks to not see any doctors or do anything other than just take my medications and vitamins, has helped me regain a feeling of self. I feel now as if I am living for me, and not a series of medical conditions that dictate my daily life. Yes I will have these conditions for the rest of my life, and the severity of them also dictates frequent doctor visits and tests, but now I know, like everything else in life, you need to take a vacation from it, just for a week, or two or even three if it’s not going to be detrimental to you.
And now, just like someone who has taken a vacation to Fiji or somewhere away from it all, I now feel refreshed to return to the medical world. Yet though, I will not let the medical world drive me. I will still continue to be in the driver’s seat, and the medical world will just be my navigation, advising me to turn right or to turn left. The choice will always be mine.
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Update: 4:52 PM. Just got the test results of the small intestine x-ray series and all is well. Next step looks like another colonoscopy….
Filed under: Health, Heart Disease, Heart Failure, Medication, State of mind, Stress Tagged: | Heart Failure, Pulmonary Hypertension, rested, Sarcoidosis, small intestine series x-ray, Vacation
Independent action, based on best advice going; best way to go forward…
Good for you!! I have had this illness for 13yrs and once I stopped being a lab rat about 3yrs in and realized that the drs don’t really know that much more than me. I put it all in gods hands…I use the prednisone only during bad flare ups..I won’t allow them to put defibulator in and I won’t under go all the tests they want me 2 and my days are easier than they should be..I have sarc in every part of my body but I don’t dwell on it and I don’t let it stop me.yes I feel bad and hurt on a daily basis but its a lot better than when the drs were messing with me and I tell everyone that suffers with this horriable monster 2 stay as far from them ignorant drs as they can..ur mind is a powerful weapon so use it..thx for ur posts I will be following them and god bless
Thanks for the comment. I guess it took me just five years to smarten up! Best of luck with all.